The Petty and Mundane Do Not Need to be Your Whole Life
William James said, “The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” John C. Maxwell added, “The petty and the mundane steal much of our time.”
I have a confession.
I am often overrun with recurring negative thoughts about troubling things — most of them about petty and mundane things.
No, I’m not mentally fragile. Well, at least in my definition of things. But, on occasion I let things of the past, things even long-conquered, take up rent in my head. It’s usually a failure on my part — a commission or even omission of behavior. Sometimes, it’s something someone has said that hits a little too close to the heart. (Beneath that tough-girl exterior, there’s a very sensitive woman.)
I know better. In fact, I teach my students not to give in to negative thinking. I teach them to rewrite their script, to imagine their lives as they want it to become, and then live like they are already there. I have to live this even now. I’ve wanted to blog regularly and to write books for what seems like forever. How can I do that if I don’t LIVE like I’m a writer? How can I be a writer if I don’t make writing a priority every day?
Tim Denning, in this article that gives homage to the movie “The Matrix,” gives this an interesting twist. He suggests that we allow ourselves to live in an altered reality when we don’t fight the falsehoods we’ve come to believe about who we are and what we are capable of. He speaks brilliantly about our frame of mind here as well.
It’s exhausting to be unkind to yourself in your head or to be unkind to everybody you meet.
I agree. It’s such a waste, the negativity. Very little value comes from such ruminations, and worse, these thoughts keep you from focusing on the present and on your future.
I’d like to tell you that I just shake it off and move on, but I’m a “feeler” before I am a “thinker.” I didn’t need the Myers-Briggs inventory to spell that out for me. (I’m an INFJ-T, in case you’re wondering.) I have to fight the demons of the past and slay the dragons of my present; without actively and intentionally doing this, I am lost to my own weaknesses.
What does that look like?
I’m a bit practical in my response to these problems. Here’s what I do that works for me.
- I have to schedule my time in a way that intentionally front-loads my day with my priorities. I do this at the beginning of the week and before I go to bed. Why before bed? It allows my subconscious to work over possible obstacles to my intentions and perhaps to think about what else should get my attention.
- I also have to review the known mundane tasks like housework, laundry, paying bills, or those recurring tasks associated with my job that must be done. They are necessary but not usually urgent. I batch these efforts. For instance, I know I need clothes for work for the upcoming work week, so on the weekend when I do laundry, I also set aside specific combinations based on the forecasted weather. Yes, it takes time to focus on this, but the time-saving in the long run AND THE LACK OF INTERRUPTION TO MY MORNING WHEN I AM MOST LIKELY TO WRITE is priceless.
- Each morning, I review my priorities and write these down in my calendar. But just importantly, I do two other things: I write down things that give me joy or that I’m thankful for, and I write affirmations about myself. These affirmations are the intentional resetting of my mindset each morning so that I am not inclined to forget who I am and what I am capable of. In essence, I step out of The Matrix each and every morning.
- I’ve learned to say no and not feel guilty about it. I have to say that the reaction to this was surprising. Not everyone will be happy with you for setting these boundaries. Be prepared for that. You do not need to defend your decision. On the other hand, you might listen to their complaint just long enough to consider whether or not you have made the wrong choice. Don’t spend too much time there, though, if you have truly taken the steps above in planning.
- Finally, I pray. Why? It is to remember that my life is not my own. I am a bit of a control freak and very independent. When I acknowledge my Creator and spend a few moments with him each morning, I am acknowledging that I need God, and while I’m doing that, He reminds me that I need the people he’s put in my life to help me be my best. And, yes, that includes those I consider a pain in the neck.
What is your “petty and mundane”? What do you plan to do to keep them from being your reality? When will you start?
Well, how soon do you want to experience the joy of truly living the life you were meant to live?
